Seven Year Itch

Seven years ago tonight, I enjoyed my last family meal on our back deck at 51 Elmer Ave, a 100 year old beach cottage that we renovated and proudly called home. The boys were six and four, our careers flourishing, our love abundant and the world our oyster. I'm sure every day was not as rosy as I recall, jostling kids back and forth between daycare, school and activities and trying to squeeze in precious family time with two working parents focused on building a good life for ourselves and our boys. But, that is how I recollect those days - unscathed, sunny, hopeful.

My glass is still half-full, my optimism for life not diminished from the experiences I've (often) struggled through since that fateful day, Friday July 13th, 2007. It has not been an easy road and likely never will be, but the choice to live and to thrive is the only acceptable one and I must do so for my Cole and Sam, my dad (love you always) my mom, my sister and the many friends and family who have not let me fall apart, or at least not longer than a good cry, every once in a while, allows. I lost my best friend which was excruciatingly painful, but oh my god, what would I have ever done without my beautiful, munificent, gracious, forgiving, funny, real, persistent friends who all have busy lives themselves, but never, ever cease to accept and love me.

I've struggled with the way I look, asking for help, feeling accepted and only in rare (yet still painful) moments, when I've been pushed aside by those I loved that don't want any part of my not-so-perfect life. But in saying this, my intentions are not to diminish any one of the many, many more amazing and positive moments I've had in the last seven years, but to acknowledge them and move forward. I am eternally grateful for the kindness of others (even those who have come to know me since TM) and thankful that I am here as there are others who are not as lucky. 1/3 of Transverse Myelitis sufferers have no recovery or improvement in symptoms and most often those with an acute onset (as in my case) will be confined to a wheelchair and completely dependant on others and sometimes respirators for the rest of their lives.

I continue to experience change, improvement, and greater independence. Lucky me.
I have no idea what my future holds, but rather than let this day pass unacknowledged, I acknowledge it as just another day in my crazy and wonderful, unpredictable life.

Each day, every moment, I dedicate to you Cole and Sam, the two greatest loves of my life.






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True Friendship

My dear boys, as you grow up you'll learn that some people will disappoint you and others will surprise you. Not everyone is capable of being there for you when times are tough and when you need a shoulder to cry on. Yet, for each person that disappoints you, you will find many more that will lift you up. These are the special people that will inspire you to persevere when things seem too tough and never expect anything in return. If you are ever in need, I hope you will find yourself surrounded by these type of people. Equally important, and because you have faced diversity in your young lives, I praise you for your ability to have empathy for others as they will benefit from your courage and tenacity.


"True friendship and good character is all about how a person nurtures another person when they are vulnerable and can give very little in return. Thus, it’s not who’s standing beside you during good times, but the ones who stick by you through tough times that are your true friends.

So take note of who remains in your life when times get tough, especially the people who sacrifice the resources they have in their life to help you improve yours when you need it most. Seriously, when you come out the other side of a difficult period in your life, look around you. The people still standing beside you are your true friends." Marc Chernoff


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A Few Quotes to Live By

My boys. I am proud of you. Each and every day. Your childhood has not been an easy one. You've faced more change and sadness than most boys your age have. But, you have each other always. Be kind. Be thoughtful. Be there for each other and you will make your dreams come true despite adversity.
For Cole:
I like this quote by a famous architect who inspired the design of this very house you live in. He wasn't always a very humble or kind man and he made many mistakes in his personal life, but he was insightful, inspiring and truthful. If you become an architect one day, you will most certainly study his work.

For Sam:
May you never wake up another day without reaching for the sky, following your dreams and seeking adventure. I like this quote by the famous Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield, who often finds time, while in outer space, to sing and play his guitar. Perhaps sometimes he appreciates home, serenity and the little things in life that may not be bold, brave or daring necessarily.

Find a purpose, make a difference, be generous always and you will be rewarded with friends and family you can count on, happiness and success. Wake up each morning with a smile, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, respect your body by exercising and filling it with healthy foods. Hold a door open for others, say "hello" to someone you pass on the street you have never met and treat your loved ones the way you want to be treated. Look people in the eye and shake their hand firmly.

Location:Beech Ave,Toronto,Canada

My life, My Loss and What I Hope to Teach My Sons

I begin this blog almost six years after an auto-immune response to a viral infection single handedly, over the course of a day, annihilated the nerve cells in my upper spinal cord. Nerve cells, also called neurons, are like an electrical current sending motor and sensory messages back and forth between the brain and spinal cord to our organs and limbs. Like a telephone circuit, the spinal cord talks to the rest of the body via these highly specialized "wires" and any disruption to the circuit will botch communication or stop it all together.
My body plays a constant game of Broken Telephone with my brain, and vise-versa. After a full day of this aggravating back and forth with the odd correct message getting through, my body collapses into a much needed slumber, just to start it up again when the sun rises. Fatigue, not surprisingly, is one of the most common burdens of persons with spinal cord injuries and illnesses.
My two children were young in July, 2007 when I became ill, only four and six at the time. Much of my life was put on hold - dreams of travel, career advancement, and training for a marathon. But, my most valuable treasure, motherhood, was not stripped from me on that fateful day in July.
And thus, I begin to share the story of my life, my loss and what I hope to teach my sons.

Location:Toronto